So...For Christmas I want...
You junk scraps from the darklamp.
You junk scraps from Dwar's ring of power.
You junk scraps from the Ring of the Damned.
You junk scraps from the voice of Sauron.
You junk scraps from sea drake armor.
You junk scraps from the mask of the red death.
You junk scraps from Cronus' legwrap.
You junk scraps from the Bracers of Chey.
You junk scraps from the belt of spring.
You junk scraps from a gish bracelet.
You junk scraps from A Spider Sword.
You junk scraps from a vial of sa'basilisk blood.
You junk scraps from a time dagger.
You junk scraps from the shield of the sable rose.
You junk scraps from a feather quill.
You junk scraps from a flagon of silver ambrosia.
You junk scraps from a flagon of silver ambrosia.
You junk scraps from a beautiful red rose.
You junk scraps from a beautiful red rose.
You junk scraps from the skull of Brother Dominic.
You junk scraps from the skull of Ebonic Leronic.
You junk scraps from the skull of Emperor Arioch.
You junk scraps from the skull of Brutus.
You junk scraps from the head of Anastasia Grey.
You junk scraps from the head of Witch Queen Shalamir.
You junk scraps from the head of Sensei Shaolin.
You junk scraps from the head of Fiery Flurry.
You junk scraps from the head of Nimari.
You junk scraps from the head of Shalnazar.
You junk scraps from the head of Brutus.
You junk scraps from a feather quill.
The plus side --- I remember old death traps.
The not plus side --- Erythnul and Tyranian bit it also.
My (amusingly?) horrible night...
So..come in to a work list of 629 units. 352 of which are one order. We haul ass, and get all of the others done by 5pm. All in all, a very sucessful start.
Except one part...the part where, doing the first window of the day...i broke the entire "intercept" line. How, you may ask? I blame it on the safety glasses! Okay...the windows come out of the oven..and they come across a buncha rollers, to where we stand. Between the last roller, and the "ledge" that we are supposed to rest the windows on while we inspect them is about a 3 inch gap. Under the rollers are flourescent lights, so that we can see anything that might be on the glass. My window slipped, fell through the gap, snapped the light... And why was it so embarassing? Because my boss is standing there for 10 minutes pointing out that this has happened hundred of times, and it's never ever shut the entire machine down (he's trying to defend me)..and maintenance turns around and goes "umm...so..the short was caused by the bulb being snapped..". *Le sigh* When we all stopped laughing, I really thought I'd curl up and die.
Switch back to 5pm.. these windows start coming out... 8ft by 7ft, 4mm thick glass on both sides...*heavy*. And, if anyone heard my whining monday night, i'd already done a lot of really heavy glass this week. So, I'm thinking..okay...350 of these, at 1 every minute or so...it's gonna hurt, but we get it done, we'll be okay. About that time, I'm informed that it's really 1197 of these, they just very nicely split it up for us. (Gee, thanks.) I think we're helping to build a skyscraper or something, honest.
Okay..so..I proceed to slam my ankle into the skid..HARD. Now I've got blood in my boot. Wah! but, just like a typical mushroom, I keep plodding along...not mentioning it to anyone. Shortly after that, due to the lovely carpal tunnel in my right wrist (well, i have it in both, but the rights the bad one, because not only has it gone through years of typing, but i used to fill a notebook in three days with my writings) my wrist completely gave out. It still hurts now...and anytime i move my thumb, there's this twang that goes halfway up my arm..whee. 30 minutes later, Kent (that's the boss) and I are moving a bad unit out of the way, and I *again* trip over this skid. (our skids are solid metal..not talking some nice little wooden pallet here.) And this time I go down.
Trace..if only you coulda seen it. I was crying cause I crushed my ankle, elbow, and wrist, but I was laughing so hard i thought i'd puke. and all i could think of was how you'd appreciate the joke.
Okay...anyway..so he sends me off to load the machine (half as heavy, twice as much work..cause you gotta load 2 pieces of glass for every unit, in case you didn't know...) ...and 10 minutes later S**** joins me. Now, S**** is really cool, she's been there forever, and she's alot like D and I.. she never complains, she can do anything the boys can..etc etc. This is how bad the glass was...she was lifting a piece of it (she stands in the middle and actually assembles the glass into windows) and pulled the muscle under her left arm. Just *one* piece of the glass, mind you. So her and I limped and hobbled our way through the rest of the night. Got over at 11:10. My ride told me he'd be there in 20 minutes. 45 minutes later he picked me up, and I came home.
And now it's almost time to go repeat. Whee-friggin-hee.
(And, since I'm already bitching...a few people know what i really wanted was to get a motorola razr when i got my phone. but i was in a hurry, the prices were high, i got the crappy one i used to have. and, when i went to go replace my phone (wow..3 weeks ago now?)...razr prices had jumped back up to 249.99, so i didn't do it. well, not only are they back down now *grr*..but mom and harry and frank just got a family plan, and mom and harry both got the razr's. i'm so pissed. mom didn't even want one, she got it cause harry talked her into it..and she got the pretty magenta one i wanted. grrrrrrrr.)
It's Only Wednesday...
so i'm not THAT far behind..
How many schools have you attended (until college) in total?
5
In how many states did you live before age 18?
1
How many countries?
1
Have you ever been to the hospital where you were born?...where is it, what's its name?
Since J. already stole the good wisecrack... not that I remember, although Z. was born there also, so I'm assuming I went to go see her. I know exactly where it is...and I know it's name..but I'm so not tellin y'all. =P
Do you plan to live in the same state where you were born or somewhere else?
How to phrase this nicely...the only thing that makes eastern pa worth living in is the fact that it's not jersey. Anywhere but here.
Do you still talk to people from elementary, middle, or high school?
A few. I still live in the same town, so I still see them a lot. My daughter's father's uncle (who is younger than my daughter's father) and I were in the same grade at school. And K*** and D***, my two best friends from school, I still keep constant contact with via the miracles of cell phones.
Fours...Fives..and..Twos? Hrmm...
Re: Fours
Four...Jobs I have had:1. seven eleven clerk
2. telemarketer
3. meat packer
4. window maker extraordinare!
Movies you would watch over and over again:1. princess bride
2. labyrinth
3. goonies
4. the last unicornPlaces you have lived:1. green bay, wisconsin
2. bucks county, pa
3. do summers in arizona count?
4. that's it folks.Four TV shows you love to watch:umm, vetoing this one, as i don't really watch tv.
used to be a big lost fan, but that petered out in season one.
entourage too, cept they took hbo away from me. wah!Four places you have been on vacation:1. denver
2. louisana
3. illinois
4. arizonaFour of my favorite foods:1. chinese boneless spare ribs
2. a really well made salad, preferably with the new ginger orange dressing i found..yum.
3. anything including cheese, meat, sauce, and pasta
4. chocolate...hrm..that may have been 1...i dunno..i love food..
Places I would rather be right now:1. anywhere but here.
2. anywhere but here.
3. anywhere but here.
4. ireland. Friday Five
First Favorites1. What was your first grade teacher's name?
sadly, i actually forget. but i remember that i absolutely adored her and thought she'd be my hero for life.
2. Who was your first best friend?
tristan. she was so cool. when i moved back to that part of the county in high school, we found we really had nothing in common. weird, eh?
3. What was your most favorite toy growing up?mr. t. bear. my teddy. was givin to me on my 3rd birthday, played we wish you a merry christmas..and i slept with it right up until i had my daughter. gave it to her, and it disappeared somewhere. makes me sad still - hoping it's packed up with her other stuff in storage.
4. What is your oldest good memory of from growing up?
um...my first memory is of mom and dad fighting, and dad grabbing a bottle of milk from the stove that was warming and throwing it at her, while she was holding me. not exactly a good one, eh?
5. What was your favorite cartoon?
so many to choose from..um...fraggles, sorta.
Sad thing is, I'm too lazy to fix the formating in any of this post. So it stays the way it is, which is hugely messed up, because blogspot has some very weird ideas on the whole formating translating to html concept. Damned editors!
Spontaneous Breakage May Occur
And they really mean it!
So, i'm loading a patio-sized pane of glass onto the harp after it comes offa the temper line tonight..and it literally explodes. tiny lil pieces of glass fly everywhere. this is a side affect of working on a tempering line, mind you. s'not cause there's anything wrong with the way the glass was handled, or loaded, or the harb, or anything else (a harp is a big rack with 100 slots in it for sheets of glass, or 50 slots for windows...don't bother asking for more explination...i can't describe). was my first experience with the random shattering of tempered glass. was not fun.
and anyawy..so...
this is the link to the corporate webpage for the place i work for. our shop looks nothing like the pictures they show..nothings that white, we don't wear spiffy yellow jackets, and if our workplace was that clean i'd prolly have a heart attack... we're a factory. it's dirty, its dusty, its nasty. i come home with various types of sealant all over me and dirt streaks on my face. but it's an idea of what i do, if everything i talk about all the time confuses you, or if you're just fascinated by the world of windows.
i'm not.
g'night.
http://www.afg.com
Tonights Lyrics...
(realized I've let this slip since I restarted the blog...tonights playlist is very heavy on the mb20 and stuff. country phase has been broken! muhahahah!)
This whole world
Well don't it make you wanna think damn.
This cold girl
well I know she'll make you wanna scream damn.
Whats the matter girl
well dont you think i'm good enough
this ole heart had a whole lotta breaking down
she's got all these reasons in her head
well all that time
she knew if i lied
you can bet she will
she's taken her time
til i thought i would die
and i can't sit still
things got turned 'round
i don't know where i started from
damn
can't eat can't sleep
coulda been a bigger man
damn
whats the matter girl
don't you think i'm bright enough
this ole man had a hard time getting here
you can leave your number at the door
well all that time
she knew if i lied
you can bet she will
she's taken her time
til i thought i would die
and i can't sit still
there's nothing at all
there's nothing at all
well, there's nothing at all
to make her change her mind
ah to make her change her mind
make her change her...
this ole house been quiet since you went away
damn
a mixed up fix up don't forget who got you here
damn
oh, whats the matter world
well don't you see i opened up
this whole parts been played by another man
i'll pull out the reason card instead
well all that time
she knew if i lied
you can bet she will
she's taken her time
til i thought i would die
and i can't sit still
says she can find
the things that make up a life
I bet she will
she stays behind, I could stay here all night
I could stay here until
until there's nothing at all
yeah there's nothing at all
well there's nothing at all
to make her change her mind
Damn ~ Matchbox 20
I like your pants around your feet
I like the dirt that's on your knees
And I like the way you still say please
While you're looking up at me
You're like my favourite damn disease
And I love the places that we go
And I love the people that you know
And I love the way you can't say no
Too many long lines in a row
I love the powder on your nose
Ooooh
And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out
And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out
I like the freckles on your chest
And I like the way you like me best
And I like the way you're not impressed,
While you put me to the test
I like the wine stains on your dress
And I love the way you pass the check
And I love the good times that you wreck
And I love your lack of self respect
While you're passed out on the deck
I love my hands around your neck
And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out
And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out
I love your pants around your feet
And I love the dirt that's on your knees
And I like the way you still say please
While you're looking up at me
You're like my favourite damn disease
And I hate the places that we go
And I hate the people that you know
And I hate the way you can't say no
Too many long lines in a row
I hate the powder on your nose
And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out
And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out
Figured You Out ~ Nickelback
There's clothes all over the floor
Don't remember them being here before
Smell of perfume isn't here
Why's lipstick on the mirror?
And still I don't understand.
No pictures left in the hall.
There's three new holes in my wall.
Where the hell's my credit cards?
Why's my wallet in the yard?
And still I don't understand.
Well now I guess I shoulda listened
When you said you'd had enough
A little trick I picked up from my father
In one ear and out the other
Why's love gotta be so tough?
Should see the look on my face.
My shit's all over the place.
Why's this happenin to me?
Why'd you take both sets of keys?
And still I don't understand.
Well now I guess I shoulda listened
When you said you'd had enough.
A little trick I picked up from my father
In one ear and out the other
Why's love gotta be so tough?
And now I guess I shoulda listened.
Ahhhhhhhh.
Ahhhhhhhhhh.
Ahhhhhhh.
Ahhhhhhhh.
Ahhhhhh.
Ahhhhhhhh.
There's clothes all over my floor.
I don't remember them being there before.
There are no candles in here.
Lipsticks still on my mirror.
And still I don't understand.
And now I guess I shoulda listened
When you said you'd had enough.
A little trick I picked up from my father
In one ear and out the other
Why must life be so tough?
Well now I guess I shoulda listened.
When you said you'd had enough.
A little trick I picked up from my father
In one ear and out the other.
Whys love gotta be so tough?
Should've Listened ~ Nickelback
I hurt myself today.
To see if i still feel.
I focus on the pain.
The only thing that's real.
The needle tears a hole.
The old familiar sting.
Try to kill it all away.
But I remember everything.
What have I become,
My sweetest friend?
Everyone I know goes away
In the end.
And you could have it all.
My empire of dirt.
I will let you down.
I will make you hurt.
I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair.
Full of broken thoughts
I can not repair.
Beneath the stains of time
The feeling disappears.
You are someone else
I am still right here.
What have I become
My sweetest friend.
Everyone I know goes away
In the end.
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt.
I will let you down.
I will make you hurt.
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself.
I would find a way.
Hurt ~ Nine Inch Nails
(Yes, contrary to popular belief, those lyrics that Aeriel and Jerrl repeat are NOT written by a Mozartian immortal, but were really composd by Trent Reznor. He's made a lotta money offa them, too. Go figure. And no, not the J. Cash version either. Cold hard NIN tonight.)
And, just a lil old school to reground myself...
Little ditty about Jack and Diane,
Two american kids growing up in the heartland.
Jackie gonna be a football star.
Diane's debutante backseat of Jackie's car.
Sucking on a chili dog outside the tasty freeze
diane's sitting on jackie's lap
got his hand between her knees
jackie says hey diane, lets run off, find a shady tree
dribble off those bobby brooks
let me do what I please
oh yeah, life goes on,
long after the thrill of living is gone
oh yeah, life goes on,
long after the thrill of living is gone.
they walk on.
jackie sits back, collects his thoughts for a moment
scratches his head and does his best james dean
well there, diane, we oughta run off to the city
diane says baby, you aren't missin a thing
and jackie say, oh yeah, life goes on
long after the thrill of living is gone
oh yeah, i say, life goes on
long after the thrill of living is gone
so let it rock, let it roll,
let the bible belt come and save my soul
hold on to 16 as long as you can
changes come around real soon
make us women and men.
oh yeah, life goes on
long after the thrill of living is gone
oh yeah, life goes on
long after the thrill of living is gone
a little ditty about jack and diane
two american kids doing the best that they can
Jack & Diane ~ John Mellencamp
Disclaimer - All lyrics are typed as the typist is listening to the song, and therefore are subject to interpretation and typos, not to mention forgotten words, or slurring where it makes typing more..songey. And, if i got them wrong, dont tell me, cause i don't really care. More lyrics when I feel like it, goddammit. Why are you readying this tiny ass print anyway?
Bite It!
(Hehe..post removed, disclaimer left)Standard disclaimer applies...if you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, you aren't meant to. If you don't get the inside jokes, then I guess you're outside. If you find any of this offensive in any manner...good. If you're one of my really good friends - or one of the people I'm aspiring to have a good friendship with - a, your name is in a link on the right hand side of your screen right now, and b, you'll forgive me all of this bullshit someday. (And yes, if you're reading this right now, that probably means your either a good friend or an aspiration of mine..go figure.)
Gotta run...
woke up exactly 2 minutes before 11. 11 being when I try to wake up, so I have prework mud time. it was great.
and yet here i am, looking at my clock going "dammit...14 minutes left til i hafta leave, maximum" (meaning, i should really leave in 4 minutes) and i dont even have socks or shoes on.
i love moz..but damn. i wonder if there's a moz rehab somewhere.
or, alternately...a i.v. version of mozart, so i could get my fix more quickly?
hrrrrmmm..
okay, talk to you guys after work...if i survive!
And on my boys...
Zhakrin could be one of the girls!
(and, by the way, the friggin emotes saying "You" is really getting annoying. I hate improper English showing on my screen every 5 minutes! Grrr!)
Zhakrin says, "cept for one obvious problem"
Zhakrin says, "not being a girl..."
Zhakrin says, "folks should update their blogs more to keep me entertained"
And he also told me I need to post a post about my boys now, to keep them from feeling all left out and stuff.
So there ya go.
I have boys.
They are all icky.
End of story.
On Numbness...
Okay, so M says I need to see a doctor. And I outright refuse to be concerned about any of the weird things happening to me. Or rather, I've decided that as long as I don't go to a doctor, nothing can actually be wrong with me, and therefore life is just peachy.
However, it's now been since, not the friday that just passed but the friday before it, since I felt the pinkie toe on my left foot. I actually got so annoyed that i took a needle and started poking it last night. It's really pissing me off. For a couple days, I decided it was because of my steel-toes..that they were just leavin my toe feelin icky. But then I had those 5 days off in a row, and I started worrying. Now it's been another weekend of no steel toes, and still...no pinkie toe.
It's really odd, knowing there are 5 toes touching the ground, but only feeling 4 of them. Like, I'd be happy if I could get the pin and needle feeling there, cause then that'd mean the numbness was ending.
Still, no weird discoloration or anything, so I don't think my toes gonna just fall off one day. More likely, I'm just gonna continue being annoyed shitless with it.
I'm 24, and I feel like I'm a hell of a lot closer to 42..or 84. I know I beat the shit outta myself my entire life...even the back injury I didn't get too upset about, the degenerative disk disease I wrote off as my dad's fault...everything else I blamed on someone in my family tree. Too many branches with bad leaves, I guess. But it's just getting annoying. Things pop, and ache, and make no sense.
GRR!
A Shout-Out To My Girls...
Cause I dunno if they know how much I really mean it when I say I love them.
So here's the story...
My whole life, I was that girl who chilled with the boys. And I mean literally my whole life. I had one really good female friend in elementary school, and one who spanned from middle school to high school, but that was it. I never "connected" with other girls. And that translated to women. Even when I lived in the halfway house, with 36 women, I didn't make any friends. Same with the house I lived in in allentown, with 8 of us in it. I don't know why, but there was just never a connection. I mean, maybe a few "surface" friends, but never ones i talked about anything serious with, or actually considered friends. none i kept outside of my time being forced to cohabitate with them. That "joke" about me collecting boys on the game isn't really a joke. I have my boys, and they all know that I adore them. That's not who this post is about (sorry boys, but...well..you just aren't that important.)
Okay...that brings us pretty much up to 6 months ago. I returned to mudding. Aand, somehow, magically...there were these two amazing astounding women in my life.
It was like the clouds parted, a ray of sunshine came drifting down, the angels began singing..and life made sense. I wasn't the *ONLY* person who thought the way I did. I wasn't just an "irrational female" or crazy or needy or demanding or any of that crap. In fact, I was pretty damned normal. I was just too (stubborn, hardheaded, self-centered, blindsighted..choose your own word, i'll use isolated) my entire life to realize that I'm not that damned unique.
And it was so nice to have friends who not only understood and validated what I was saying (even when disagreeing with me, and they would...trust me. no one calls me a dumb blank-blankity quite like my girls) but who loved me and cared and who made me laugh so hard I've actually spit random items on my computer screen.
And, I hate to say it, cause it sounds sad coming from a 24 year old mouth, they've taught me a damned bit about being a good friend in return. I've learned to be (a little bit) quieter, (a little bit) more patient, (a little bit) less selfish, and a (mildly) better listener.
I love my two girls. My outspoken opinionated activist M-mmmy and my velvet-clad iron fist S-ssy. They're teachin me how to be a woman..or atleast accept that I just am, dammit.
Thanks ladies.
And, to T...okay, you're included in the simple fact that a)you remind me so friggin much of me and b) you're just so damned cool. The more you open up, the more you really "belong" with us. In the whole..you went away for 2 days and i think people said like 30 times "can't wait til T gets back" kinda way. I adore you, and you kickass. So don't feel left out...You're one of my girls now too. Just not part of the 6month ago story. *grins*
Friday Five
1. Do you really make wishes when you blow out the candles on your cake?
I used to, but I haven't had a birthday cake in..umm. Don't ask. So I stopped.
2. Have any of the wishes ever come true, if yes?
Umm...I wished for a pony. And N said I could have one. Does that count?
3. How do you feel about birthdays? (e.g., love the attention, just another day, don't want anyone to know my real age, etc.)
Umm..okay. Birthdays for me are notoriously shitty. Between it being Christmas, and having 4 siblings..I had this "I just want them to pay attention to me on my day since I pay attention to them on theirs" hangup. And I get really cranky.
4. Tell us a favorite gift you've received, or something you'd really like for your next birthday.
Uh..okay..so the only gift I got this year was a pair of happy bunny socks from my sister. I think I'd really like to have a party someday. Not even anything "given" to me, just to have friends and family get together and act like they didn't forget i was born on that day, and even maybe pretend they were happy and celebrating it.
5. What flavor cake?
Strawberry shortcake.
Ps, this was not the post i spent all weekend planning on posting, but i had to get in on the friday five.
Wiki How To Of The Day
Turn on your clothes iron. Set it to its highest setting (Linen or Cotton).
Take 2 or 3 slices of bread and butter the outsides. Place slices of cheese between them.
Take a piece of aluminum foil, roughly twice the size of the sandwich. With the foil shiny-side-up on the counter or stovetop, place the sandwich on the foil and fold it over to cover it completely.
Set the hot iron flat on the foil-wrapped sandwich. This doesn't hurt the iron at all. Let it sit on the foil for about 30 seconds, then peek inside the foil to see if it's toasted. It will burn quickly.
Flip the foil packet over, repeating Step 4.
Open the foil, and flip the sandwich onto a plate. You can keep and reuse the foil several times. All you have to wash is a knife and a plate, and it takes less electricity than an electric stovetop with a frying pan.
To Make Mimmy Happy...Friday Five...
Friday Five Instructions: Copy and paste these questions and answer them for yourself-it's fun to share the random thoughts thing with eachother. :) From the livejournal user group altfriday5 1.
1. How often do you (1) eat out, (2) cook for yourself or (3) otherwise forage for food?
a) rarely. although if ordering food to be delivered counts...i used to do it every 2 or 3 days or so. now i've chilled to every two or three weeks, due to dad flipping about the money i was spending. (although i maintain, a 3.95 lunch special is actually cheaper than buying the ingredients for dinner)
b) whenever i want to eat. and i usually cook for others even more than that.
c) i'm a once a day "meal" person, but i 'forage' a whole lot. as in, i'm bored...lets go stand in the fridge. i think i might be hungry..lets go stand in the fridge. why oh why am i standing here looking in the fridge?. i rarely actually take anything out, it's just a weird habit.
2. What's your favourite restaurant and why?
ummm...the ones that deliver the wings directly to my house with the good ranch instead of the bleu cheese.
3. What's your favourite food to prepare for yourself?
i'm really fond of making myself omlettes, corned beef, and steak. with pesto pasta. i'm the queen of pesto pasta. sadly, my favorite food to PREPARE is anything a)microwaveable or b) complete in 5-10 minutes. cause usually if i'm eatting a meal, it's when i'm done work and STARVING.
4. What one food gives you the strongest emotional reaction? Why?
hrm. that's a really tough question. i'm not sure i have really strong 'emotional reactions' to food, even though i'm a "emotional eatter". probably either grilled cheese..cause i ate them my entire pregnancy and they remind me of my brat-face... or pineapple bread-stuffing...because it was my grandmother's recipie and i knew i was an "adult" when she started letting me make it for holidays after my daughter was born. it's my place during the family events.
5. If you were stuck on a desert island for the rest of your life, what would you do with the coconuts?
umm....ask j to kill whatever mob loaded them, give them to me, then hoard them in my bag so that when everyone else was starving, i could survive. course, if i'm on a desert island and all i have is coconuts...how long is the rest of my life, anyway?
just kidding. i'd smush them up and use them to coat the fish with, because i'm not a big fish fan.
and..ooohhhh..coconut shrimp would prolly be real great cooked over a real open fire made out of palm leaves. hrrrrrmmm...
whos on the island with me?
For those who worried...
At exactly 10:26 this evening, my supervisor came over and thanked D*** and I for doing such a kickass job, and getting far more done in 8 hours than anyone else would have. He then proceeded to point to 100 windows that were not done and inform us that those windows needed to all be sealed before we could leave. Now mind you, working faster than anyone else would have, we had finished a whole 175 or so windows in 8 hours. I almost cried. We got another 45 done over the next 2 hours, during which the third shift person who uses the same machine asked us about 37 times "when do you think you'll be done"...so finally we said "do you want to do the other 55 and we'll get out of your way" -- and thank god he said yes.
and, the suck part is, this and staying almost an hour late last night, barely makes up for the time i didn't get monday when they sent me home early. so no overtime. no nice fat paycheck. if i'm lucky, it'll be a normal 40 hour paycheck. grrr.
so, my feet and my additude are both hurting - nothing new there. i'm a cranky bitch and we all know it. gonna go try to chill and get some perspective or something. or maybe just some food and some sleep. either way. love y'all. honest.
Okay, so y'all can see what my day has been like. I'm a complete sped today - which is pretty much to be expected. I'm absolutely fine half the time, and an absolute mess the other half (that half usually being whenever i try to sleep and start replaying saturday. and i know..but you tell my brain to shut the fuck up, cause it ain't listening to me).
Crys is still a statue. Hopefully I can get back to Zhak's quest tomorrow after work though.
Work still sucks, doubt that'll change anytime soon.
Fruit defeats the purpose of cookies. If you can understand that, you're probably my friend for life.
Maelstrom's back...he was my darkie buddy for so long, I'm so thrilled he's back.
I will post more at some other point.
Changes to the blog.
This is turning into a blog about my blog. that's so funny.
umm, mimmy said it was boring that everyone used the same template. and that she thought pinks and purples would be quite suitable for the goddess of all things anti-paladin/shadowmagey and evil. (that'd be me.)
so, if your eyes are bleeding from all the bright colors, blame mimmy.
The Songs I Deleted Yesterday, and an Explination
Music tends to be the most powerful force in my life. It takes me out of me, it clears my head, it moves my spirit. When I said going to nine inch nails was a spiritual thing for me, I mean it. When I can't make sense of life, and I can't touch the feelings I'm feeling, the music does it for me. It is my version of prayer. And lately, I've been stuck on a certain theme, as you all know. but having the lyrics here helps me move on, and it gives you the insight I can't otherwise give you. So there's going to be a series of 4 or 5 songs in this post, you don't need to read them, or you can. it's up to you.
and, on a side note, please stop treating me like i'll shatter if the wind blows. i was just talking to M. about this, and I'm not as fragile as people apparently think I am. My world got shook up, and it's going to take some healing, but it did not get blown away or fall apart, and I'm going to be okay. I'll process over the next few days or weeks or whatever, but those who know already know my heart had moved on, and therefore was safe. my feelings and my ego got a little hurt, so i'll deal with that as i deal with everything. one step at a time.
Now and then, I confess, you cross my mind.
Now and then I guess I have a little too much time.
I've changed my way of thinking
I've tried hard to seperate
What came too soon from what came too late
I don't think about me in terms of you
I don't think about you in terms of us
I don't think about us, in terms of love
I don't think about then in terms of now
I've found a way to start again somehow
I don't think about what we thought it was
Oh, in terms of love
I'm counting on heaven to understand
I didn't mean to go and mess up all the plans
Sometimes you know where you should go
Before you know the way
I'll bother with tomorrow
Once I've made it through today.
I don't think about me in terms of you
I don't think about you in terms of us
I don't think about us, in terms of love
I don't think about then in terms of now
I've found a way to start again somehow
I don't think about what we thought it was
Oh, in terms of love
I don't think about black in terms of grey
Or revelations in the light of day
I don't think about cold in terms of ice
or second chances happening twice
I don't think about me in terms of you
I don't think about you in terms of us
I don't think about us, in terms of love
I don't think about then in terms of now
I've found a way to start again somehow
I don't think about what we thought it was
Oh, in terms of love
in terms of love - shedaisy
slept in my makeup
didn't get my teeth brushed
crashed on the couch
and now my mouth tastes like
yesterday's news
well hello jim bean
oh the places you've seen
if only you could talk
you'd tell me why
he walked out on me
and you
oh the things lovers do when it's over
oh the things lovers do when it's done
find a cool bottle
or a warm shoulder
wake up older
and try to move on
i drove around last night
thinking about our last fight
i cruised by your house
and all the lights were out
and you were gone
so i found me a stranger
with his comfortin danger
but i thought about you
the whole time we were getting it on
oh the things lovers do when it's over
oh the things lovers do when it's done
find a cool bottle
or a warm shoulder
wake up older
and try to move on
find a cool bottle, or a warm shoulder
wake up older and try to move on
slept in my makeup
didn't get my teeth brushed
crashed on the couch
and now my mouth tastes like
yesterday's news
wake up older - julie roberts
sunday dress hanging on the bedroom door.
empty bottle of wine on the hardwood floor.
last night he said she was the one.
oh but men and mascara, always run.
did i give my love too soon
or wait too long?
did i take it a little too easy,
or put it on too strong?
she was looking for love,
he was looking for fun,
yeah men and mascara, always run.
she ain't getting any younger
it wasn't supposed to be this way
staring in the mirror
with little black rivers running down her face
tomorrow's gonna be a brand new day
she'll wake up in the morning,
and wash it all away..
last night he said she was the one,
oh but men and mascara always run.
yeah men and mascara, always run.
men & mascara - julie roberts
how long did it take to find this letter?
i know it wasn't right when you got home.
was it about the time you started getting hungry
and looked to see what i left on the stove.
did it ever cross your mind to even worry?
or wonder where i am, is everything alright?
know that's why i left it on your pillow
cause that's the only time i cross your mind.
i refuse to be with you and be forgotten.
so this afternoon i thought why not just roll
afterall, i'm already lonely
i might as well be lonely alone.
maybe i've become a different woman
maybe you became a different man
you wonder why i'm doing what i'm doing
well i'm not expecting you to understand
cause you had no idea this was coming
how could you when i've always just been there
but you just go on taking me for granted
and for the first time in my life
i don't care
i refuse to be with you and be forgotten
so this afternoon i thought why not just roll
afterall, i'm already lonely
i might as well be lonely alone
afterall, i'm already lonely
i might as well be lonely alone.
lonely alone - julie roberts (yeah, i got her whole cd)
forgive, sounds good.
forget, i'm not sure i could.
they say time heals everything.
well i'm still waiting.
i'm through with doubt
there's nothing left for me to figure out
i've paid a price and i'll keep paying
i'm not ready to make nice
i'm not ready to back down
i'm still mad as hell
and i don't have time to go round and round and round
it's too late to make it right
i prolly wouldn't if i could
cause i'm mad as hell
can't bring myself to do what it is you think i should
i know, you said
can't you just get over it
it turned my whole world around
and i kinda like it
i made my bed and i sleep like a baby
with no regrets and i dont' mind saying
it's a sad sad story when
a mother will teach her daughter that
she aught hate a perfect stranger
and how in the world can the words that i said
send somebody so over the edge
that they'd write me a letter saying
i better just shut up and sing
or my life will be over
i'm not ready to make nice
i'm not ready to back down
i'm still mad as hell
and i don't have time to go round and round and round
it's too late to make it right
i prolly wouldn't if i could
cause i'm mad as hell
can't bring myself to do what it is you think i should
not ready to make nice - the dixie chicks
I can never think of good titles for these stupid posts. I'm just so confused about everything right now.
You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair
You know to just keep me hanging round.
You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't wanna see my tears,
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown.
And it's alright
Yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road.
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go
Now you can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
You can get it over with and let me move on
Don't concern yourself with this mess you left for me
I can clean it up you see
Just as long as you're gone
And it's alright
Yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road.
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go
Your not making up your mind
Is killin' me and wastin time
I need so much more than that
And it's alright
Yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road.
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go
Leave the pieces when you go
Leave the pieces when you go
That's been stuck in my head all day long, so I figured I'd post it.
The Blog, The Mushroom, And Stuff.
Okay, so anyone who doesn't know what happened, get the story from someone else. I'm done.
But as for the blog, I had deleted all the posts to give focus to what had happened, and then it turned out to all be bullshit. Maybe I'll be ready to post about it someday, but the outpouring of support has been enough so far.
Sadly, I don't think I can even get the posts back anyway, so...quick update.
BPD - borderline personality disorder. see wiki's page.
Addiction - i've been clean for 20 months.
Mud - I love mozart, i hate mozart. life is grand.
Friends rock, and I have a lot. See links.
and happy bunny rocks.
that's me. will repost mini-mushroom and happy bunny picture.
and, i am not a mushroom, dammit all.
