I'm Not A Mushroom

So Angry I Could Spit.

Yep, really fucking pissed of.

I just came home from a 4 hour date with my ex. Probably one of the best nights I've had in a really long time. This'll be date number 4 we've had over the past 2 weeks. We've been working really hard at exploring what's left of the mess we made out of shit. I've been so happy, between that and school, that all of the annoying bad shit that's been going on has kind of slid right out of my mind.

So, I walk in the house to this bullshit...

I am asking that you have enough respect for Rob, his family, and for yourself that you will stop calling here. Please. I really would hate to have to change a phone number we have had for nearly 10 years, but if that is what I have to do I will.

Please, leave us alone. Please, move on. Please.

(All email replies from this email address are automaticly deleted, per my mail sorter, please do not reply.)

Jody Edwards and family

Now, let me tell you why it's bullshit. It's bullshit because, except for the night I spoke to Jody in person, over 2 weeks ago, the night i found out about her and rob, btw, - and at which time I'd only called to let her know somehow her 2 year old had called me twice in the same day (and which, by the way, she's verified) and to apologize for continuing to call after her and Rob had gotten back together, because *I* was never informed of the fact, I have not once called them. I don't even have their goddamned phone number. I did everything I could to erase their phone number from my life. I don't know if being angry is the right response, but it's how I feel, goddammit. *MY* heart got broken - and in the eyes of everyone who reads Jody's blog, I was nothing but Rob's extramarital affair. And that's bullshit - I'm the woman he chased for years. I'm the woman he said I love you to every single day. I'm the woman he talked to about his dreams and his fears and the things that were so fucked up in his life. And I've been the biggest supporter of him and his family working out. The ONLY contact I've even sort of had with him was to send him an email telling him to knock his shit off and start making his marriage work, because I was fucking tired of seeing that my heart got broken for NOTHING. And I sent it to an email address that I'm almost positive he'd never get it at, because it was more for me to vent than for him to actually read.

It's the same shit all over again. Supposedly, when they were back together before, him and I were still talking. Well that's BULLSHIT. the first time rob and i had contact, after he broke my heart, disappeared, and his wife called to inform me he was dead (Thank you, very much - I hope you never feel the pain I felt that day, because no one deserves to have their world stopped and then find out it was just a joke) - was months later, AFTER Jody posted all those posts on my blog telling me how he was a "perverted fat fuck" and I could have him back if I wanted. (And lets not forget the infamous and really classey "You suck" reply. That's one for the record books.)

I have done everything I could to put aside all of my feelings, to downright debase myself - let her keep calling me his whore, let her keep believing her misconceptions if it makes their marriage work - hell, demean everything that was good and honest and pure in my life over the past year, if it's what it takes for his home to be happy - and not because i care about her, and not because of him really, but because those kids deserve a happy home, and if their parents are trying to give it to them, then let them. And so why the fuck, half a month after the last time I called them, am I walking in the house to a fucking email like that? Why is it, when I finally start to let the fuck go, I get drug the fuck back in?

Can't you understand - I dont want to be a part of your drama. YOU WON. Leave me alone. Leave me out of it. Let it go.

You want to keep him - you want to have a happy marriage, one that works - let the fucking past go. And I'm not talking from my experience with Rob, I'm talking from my experience with life. You keep staying so focused on whats wrong, or on what he did years ago, or on what you THINK he did, your misconceptions and your fear and your distrust (and I'm not saying he didn't earn it) then you're going to end up where you always were. Try being happy, instead of going online and publishing in a very open forum how unhappy you are, all the things that are wrong with him - things he did years ago, and things he do now. Guess what...PEOPLE aren't perfect. TRY being happy, instead of bitching all the time.

And whoever is callign your house all the damned time, call them back and tell them to stop. I seriously doubt it's me, since I haven't had your phone number in over a month.

*END OF RANT*

posted by Caitlin Sraet @ 12:15 AM