Good work!
patting myself on the back right now. finished mapping my area offline, and threw up a brief sketch of it (including exits atleast) on the game. meaning now, i just need to go ahead and fill in descriptions to the sketches. ((For those of you who don't write for mozart..what, you think those lovely areas just magically spring from the magic area well?!)). Tonight's mere sketching out was the result of about 15 hours of intensive discussion, plotting, planning, rewriting, screaming, crying...then an hour of mapping on graph paper, and..i dunno...2 or 3 hours of sitting hunched over my map translating it into rooms on the game. you have any idea how many exits can actually exist in a mere 81 rooms?
not gonna say anything else, cause it's gonna be a big suprise for y'all when it's finally finished... and at a room a day, that's only 3 months before i start in the mobs..objects..zoning...checks...linking..
hrm..so..2 years?
hah!
anyway, just patting myself on the back. it feels good to have acomplished something, even if my coffee went cold cause i forgot about it. yay.
I was a little too tall,
Coulda used a few pounds.
Tight pants, points, hardly renowned.
She was a black haired beauty with big dark eyes,
And points all her own sitting way up high.
Way up firm and high.
Out past the cornfields where the woods got heavy
Out in the backseat of my 60 Chevy
Working on mysteries without any clues.
Workin on our night moves.
Trying to make some front page drive in news.
Working on our night moves.
In the summertime...
In the sweet summertime...
We weren't in love, oh no, far from it.
We weren't searching for some pie in the sky summit.
We were just young and restless and bored,
Living by the sword.
And we'd steal away every chance we could,
To the back room, the alley, or the trusty woods.
I used her, she used me, but neither one cared.
We were getting our share.
Working on our night moves.
Trying to lose those awkward teenage blues.
Working on our night moves.
And it was summertime.
Sweet summertime, summertime.
(Felt the lightning, waited on the thunder)
Woke last night to the sound of thunder.
How far off, I sat and wondered.
Started humming a song from 1962.
Ain't it funny how the night moves,
Just don't seem to have as much to lose,
Strange how the night moves,
With Autumn closing in.
Bog Seger ~ Night Moves
Not the most appropriate song for the things I'm thinking, but it'll do.
I believe...if there's an elephant in the room, you should paint it brown, put a cloth on a back, a lampshade on it's snout..and call it a new table. You should not discuss the elephant, unless you are ready to clean up it's shit. And once the elephant has been mentioned, and the table idea is scrapped, you should deal with the elephant being an elephant - it is not a hippo, dammit.
I believe..the last song I used definitely reflected my state of mind much better than this. And it doesn't matter. None of it matters.
On the plus side, got up way early yesterday, went out, and find a semi-decent not-so-sucky pair of steel-toe sneakers (The pair I was origionally going to buy, cept they didn't have em in my size at that time)...and now my feet don't hurt. it's improved my mood VASTLY.
and now someone's made a dumb comment and i'm angry, so enough blogging til later. hasta la byebye.
Shopping...Spree...
Okay. So, once every year or two, when I have literally no clothing left...(thanks to this job, that came around way faster than it should have, too)... I have to go buy clothes. This year, that meant saving a portion of every paycheck for the past 6 weeks (which ain't that easy, for those who know my situation..so i ended up having to tell Dad about my literally not having any clothes situation and borrowing against the rent, AGAIN) as I watched the holes in everything grow larger, until last weekend, when I literally stopped leaving the house except to go to work, cause it was just damned embarassing.
That said...it's a shame, how quickly money can gone.
6 pairs of jeans. (3 from the clearance jeans section, mind you..)
6 tee-shirts (with lovely sayings like "silence is golden - duct tape is silver" and "trix's are for kids")
1 eagles jersey (mcnabb, green on black, as opposed to the old green/white or the "newer" black on green...they just look so much more dangerous with the black theme...and i look so much better in a black shirt than a green one, to be honest.)
1 generic zip up hoodie to keep me warm (it's getting derned cold)
2 new bras (and not particuarily good ones)
4 pairs of panties (not particuarily cute ones)
a 6pack of socks
a pair of Gellin's for my work shoes, cause I can't take it anymore.
a notebook, another pad of graph paper, and a package of pens.
Time spent in walmart - 27 minutes.
Money spent in walmart - 222.96
someone shoot me right now, PLEASE.
And now I'm all alone again,
No where to turn, no one to go to.
Without a home, without a friend,
without a face to say hello to.
But now the night is near,
And I can make believe he's here.
Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping.
I think of him and then I'm happy
with the company I'm keeping.
The city goes to bed,
And I can live inside my head.
On my own, pretending he's beside me.
All alone, I walk with him til morning.
Without him, I feel his arms around me.
And when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me.
In the rain, the pavement shines like silver,
Autumn lights are misty in the river.
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever.
And I know, it's only in my mind,
That I'm talking to myself and not to him.
And although I now that he is blind,
Still I say, 'there's a way for us'.
I love him, but when the night is over,
He is gone, the river's just a river.
Without him the world around me changes,
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers.
I love him, but everyday I'm learning
All my life I've only been pretending.
Without me, his world would go on turning.
A world that's full of happiness that
I have never known.
I love him, I love him, I love him,
But only on my own.
On My Own (Eponine's Solo) ~ Les Miserables
I believe that everyone should have an active imagination. I believe that far to often in life, the only good part is the fantasy, and when the dream is allowed to fade to reality, all the good is gone. I believe that you should always see the ideal of any situation, but the reality of the people. I believe it's unfair to hope that people will be the way you imagined they would be - although there's nothing wrong with imagining people differently than they are. I believe that, every now and then, the coyote should win, instead of the road runner. I believe that even if it means a lot of work, there should always be a coyote - otherwise, the road runners would get bored and lazy - and that if you are the coyote, be proud of yourself. Being tenacious is one of the best ways to be.
And, as an aside...god i just love this song. I love her voice (this is the New York edition, by the way...)...I love how she has the slightest lisp. That always seems to catch my ear, even if this is just on in the background. On a night like tonight, where the music IS the night...
Have gone through phantom, am up to here on les mis..and think i'll have to hit up phantom again. go figure.
Living my life in a slow hell,
Different girl every night at thehotel,
I ain't seen the sunshine in 3 damn days.
Been fueling up on cocaine and whiskey,
Wish I had a good girl to miss me.
Lord I wonder if I'll ever change my ways.
I put your picture away, sat down and cried today.
I can't look at you while I'm lying next to her.
I put your picture away, sat down and cried today.
I can't look at you while I'm lying next to her.
I called you last night in the hotel,
Everyone knows but they won't tell.
But their half-hearted smiles tell me,
Something just ain't right.
I've been waiting on you for a long time,
Fueling up on heartaches and cheap wine.
I ain't heard from you in 3 damn nights.
I put your picture away, I wonder where you've been.
I can't look at you while I'm lying next to him.
I put your picture away, I wonder where you've been.
I can't look at you while I'm lying next to him.
I saw you yesterday with an old friend.
It was the same ole' same how have you been.
Since you've been gone my world's been
Dark and grey.
You reminded me of brighter days,
I hoped you were coming home to stay.
I was headed to church;
I was off to drink you away.
I thought about you for a long time,
Can't seem to get you off my mind.
I can't understand why we're living
Life this way.
I found your picture today,
I swear I've changed my ways.
I just called to say "I want you to come back home".
I found your picture today.
I swear I've changed my ways.
I've just called to say "I want you to come back home".
I just called to say "I love you. Come back home."
Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow ~ Picture
I belive love is the most precious, important, untouchable thing in this world. In the end, it is all you ever have. I believe that when love is over, it rarely dies a quiet death in a bed of old age. No, love likes to go out in an explosion of color and flame - the phoenix, it starts from the fire, it ends the same way. I think if love didn't die that way, there'd be no way for it to be reborn. I think it's sad that so many people overlook the warnings - the small flames that lick around the edges, the smoke. I believe it's worth crying over, how many people miss the explosion, because they are too jaded, too blinded, or simply too damn tired. I think when people say "It's always the (whatever) who's last to know"..that's because people simply choose not to know.
I think there's so much more to love than just a man and woman rutting like animals in the back of whatever vehicle is readily accesible. I believe the purest moment in my life was when they placed my child in my arms - if you don't believe all of the pain fades away in that second, I think you should try it. And if you think the pain stays gone for long - well, get over that fantasy right now. I believe children are born through all of that pain so that you're well prepared for what comes next. I believe that all of the joy and all of the heartache in the world can be seen in your children's eyes. I believe I wouldn't give it up for the world, no matter how little I wanted it. I believe it doesn't matter if you're 20 or 40 or 60, you are never prepared for a child.
I believe planning in advance is setting yourself up for failure. I believe the best laid plans are the ones easiest to mess up. I believe that being spontaneous keeps you young, and that if you're living by the seat of your pants, you don't have time to worry about how fashionable they look. I believe in savoring every morsel...every morsel of food, every morsel of entertainment, every morsel of knowledge...every morsel of life. This is an all you can eat buffet, there's no reason not to come back for twenty-third helpings, if you can just get yourself to take one more bite.
I believe life should have a soundtrack, and you get to pick what's playing. Wouldn't it be awfully boring if you had to listen to sad music all the time? There's a time and a place to get sad, to get cranky, to bitch and moan - I do not think all the time is the correct time, and everywhere to be the correct place. I believe in being considerate of others, of thinking how your bitching and moaning affects those around you, in the same situations, before you open your damned mouth.
I believe in judgementalism...but judge yourself first, and most strictly. If you hold yourself to decent standards, the first standard you should hold yourself to is to not expect others to feel, believe, think, or behave anything like you. Afterall, I believe we are all entitled to be ourselves, and that means not telling you how to be. However, I believe, as we all affect each other, I need to judge those I allow in on three standards... can I love them? can I trust them? are they BAD for me?... Just remember, you cannot judge a book by it's cover. However, if they wanted me to buy a book, they'd put an interesting picture and maybe a nice blurb on it, cause I hafta pick it up first, right?
I believe...I need to go make anya 5 more levels before bed.
Mebbe more later, if I hear another song that hits me.
(This is all free-association, as always. do not expect any sanity from my babbling.)
...
"Is he deceiving me, or am I deceiving myself"I've decided to give up. I have some defective sense of what is good in life. I had a talk with Mr. Infatuation last week about what we were going to be, and where we might be going. He made it clear that he doesn't do the long distance thing, but that he really cares about me, as a friend and as a person, and that he was atleast semi-interested in finding out what might be there if we met in person. I made it clear that I don't do the "fuck buddy" thing, and that I never have, and probably never will. That I don't get involved in things that aren't going...somewhere. Wherever, but somewhere.
Now, Mr. Infatuation calls when he has a hard-on, and apparently not at any other time.
Maybe I'm wrong - he'd say I'm over-reacting, I'm sure - but I don't care. I'm so tired of my whole life being treated like a sperm-depository - by men, but mostly by myself. Like there's something about me that makes me no good, unless I'm on my knees or horizontal. I just wonder why I keep finding ignorant, idiot, insensitive boys disgused as good people with actual emotions and possibly, just possibly, some kind of capability for respect, friendship... whatever.
This is just one time too many. This is just another straw on a broken back.
I'm done. I want to be alone for a while. I hate being alone, mind you. I get so bored...so, listless. Antsy. Something. I don't know. Restless, maybe. But I'd rather be alone then go to bed each night feeling useless. Or, worse, useful, in the worst kind of way.
for some reason, it always starts out as a person who's "genuinely" interested in me, who somewhere along the way loses track of the fact that i'm interesting, genuine, or even a person.
I hate this.
No, let me rephrase..I fucking hate this.
more of life's undeniable truths...
i believe if you give a mouse a cookie, he will want a glass of milk. but hospitality is still a law in my world, so you should offer the milk graciously. i believe you can see amazing things on mulberry street, the alphabet can ALWAYS go on beyond zebra if you try hard enough, and if you don't like it in a box with a fox, try it in the rain, on a train. Just TRY it. i believe there's a monster at the end of every book, but most monsters are just misunderstood. You can't get a beautiful butterfly without a hungry caterpillar. Fingerpricks happen, no matter how hard you try to protect your children - your only job is to make sure there's a happy ending.
i believe in never going to bed angry - i also believe in staying up and fighting it out, if it's a fight worthy of an early morning makeup. i believe in going down the shore in summer, and tubing down the delaware when you can...but i also believe that the word creek does not contain the letter I. i believe if you can't laugh at yourself, you're going to be sad - and laughter is what life is all about. if i'm going to have lines on my face, i'd much rather they be laugh lines than worry warts.
I believe that I shall continue with life's undeniable truths when I feel like it, but for now, I am rather warm and cozy and drowsy and shall simply go be warm and cozy and drowsy - because warm and cozy and drowsy is undeniably the best way to be.
Tonights Lyrics, Part 2
Little ditty about Jack and Diane,
Two american kids growing up in the heartland.
Jackie gonna be a football star.
Diane's debutante backseat of Jackie's car.
Sucking on a chili dog outside the tasty freeze
diane's sitting on jackie's lap
got his hand between her knees
jackie says hey diane, lets run off, find a shady tree
dribble off those bobby brooks
let me do what I please
oh yeah, life goes on,
long after the thrill of living is gone
oh yeah, life goes on,
long after the thrill of living is gone.
they walk on.
jackie sits back, collects his thoughts for a moment
scratches his head and does his best james dean
well there, diane, we oughta run off to the city
diane says baby, you aren't missin a thing
and jackie say, oh yeah, life goes on
long after the thrill of living is gone
oh yeah, i say, life goes on
long after the thrill of living is gone
so let it rock, let it roll,
let the bible belt come and save my soul
hold on to 16 as long as you can
changes come around real soon
make us women and men.
oh yeah, life goes on
long after the thrill of living is gone
oh yeah, life goes on
long after the thrill of living is gone
a little ditty about jack and diane
two american kids doing the best that they can
Jack & Diane ~ John Mellencamp
I do realize that these lyrics are posted way back somewhere on my page. But they seem to fit with my theme. So, back to who I really am...
I believe in love. I believe first loves are the best, and everything after that is an attempt to fix the mistakes you made. I believe in marriage, because I believe commitment is a lot more than a few words. I believe that you should share, of your soul, your heart, your mind, and your bank account. I believe that if you aren't having good sex atleast three times a week, things are probably getting a little too..comfortable. I believe if you haven't had any sex in 2 years, you have a undeniable right to complain to any friend who speaks of adult relations to you. I believe a girl should love her daddy, her daddy's car, and her daddy's football team. I believe the best angels are confused. I believe that tortured souls work too hard, and that innocence should be protected at all costs, because it fades so quickly. I believe the only games worth playing are hide and seek, shoots & ladders, and poker. I don't believe people should play games with each other, however. I believe straight up honesty is the answer to all problems. I believe if you want something, you go after it. I believe you work hard for anything you have, and you appreciate it most if you've worked for it. I believe money is nice, but I believe money is not the answer to anything. I believe wearing your fingers to the bone, and coming home to a bubble bath and a shoulder rub. Of course, I still believe I should be greatful to finally be making 10 dollars an hour after all these years. I believe the only risks in life are risks worth taking. And if you don't take a risk, you have no right to complain later. I believe your hair should blow in the wind, your feet should be planted firmly on the ground, and your heart should be on your sleeve. Love unconditionally, live for today, breathe deeply, and for godsake, provide pleanty of motrin and caffiene for Monday morning.
More Song Lyrics...
not sure why i consider this song relevant..not even a bruce fan...but...here it is..
I come from down in the valley,
Where mister, when you're young,
they bring you up to do,
like your daddy done.
Me and Mary, we met in highschool
when she was just 17.
we'd drive out of this valley,
down to where the fields were green.
We'd go down to the river,
And into the river we'd dive.
Oh, down to the river we'd ride.
Then I got Mary pregnant,
and man that was all she wrote.
And for my 19th birthday
I got a union card and a wedding coat.
We went down to the court house
and the judge put it all to rest.
No wedding day smiles,
No walk down the aisle,
No flowers, no wedding dress.
At night we went down to the river,
and into the river we'd dive
Oh, down to the river we did ride.
I got job working construction
For a Johnstown Company.
But lately there ain't be much work
on account of the economy.
Now all them things that seemed so important,
well mister, they vanished right into the air.
Now I just act like I don't remember
Mary acts like she don't care.
But I remember us riding in my brother's car
her body tan and wet down at the resevior
At night on them banks I'd lie awake
And pull her close
Just to feel each breath she'd take
Now, as memories come back to haunt me,
They haunt me like a ghost.
Is it a dream a life that don't come true,
Or is it something worse?
That sends me down to the river,
though I know the river is dry.
It sends me down to the river some nights.
Down to the river, my baby and I.
Down to the river we ride.
The River - Bruce Springsteen
i know it seems a sad image of life, but this is what i was taught by my daddy. you grow up, you struggle, you make a life that's hopefully a little better (although, not much, because then you'd have "ideas" and stuff) then the one you came into, and hope to leave your kids one even better than that. the idea is that, somewhere down the line, struggling won't be needed. You work hard, you play hard, you live hard, and you love hard. Everything Bruce stands for. Red necked, blue collared, red blooded, white trash. And, you know what, I'm not ashamed to be who I am. I do work hard, live hard, and love hard. Sometimes, I even play hard.
I am, without apology, who I am.
I like my feet on a dashboard, I like my daughter on my hip, I like a beer in my hand (although it's been years since one's been there)... my music loud, and with a lot of soul. I like the feel of the grass on my toes, and the rain on my skin. I like to sleep naked when it's hot, and to cuddle under blankets with a lover when it's cold. I like to dye my hair, and I don't care if it looks dyed. I don't mind sounding downright ignorant sometimes, and speaking my mind. And I've been known to utter a few unladylike phrases, or a few unelegant hand jestures, when it's necessary. When I'm not smoking marlboro's, I'm smoking newports - but I'm always smoking. You're as likely to find classic rock or country in my cd player as you are rock or alternative. Or a hundred other genres, to be fair. I've swum in streams, and camped in the mountains. I ride a rollar coaster like a fiend, and I cook like a evil seductress. (We all know there's only 2 paths to your heart..one above your waist, and one below.) Sometimes, I get a little crazy. I don't let go very well. I believe in forever, and I believe forever is what you make of it - there is no perfection except for what you create. I believe sunday's are for family, even though I am not a "church-goer", which screws the down-home theme just a tad. I believe Friday nights are for being wild. I believe the best Friday nights end sometime Saturday afternoon. I believe family comes first, even when you don't want them to, cause in the end, they're the ones who are always there. (And I believe that it's a shame family isn't what family used to be.) I grew up on the smurfs and the dukes. I believe behind every good man should be a hard-working woman, and behind every good woman are a lotta sleepless nights, red eyes, and rough knuckles. I believe it's a real shame that I know a lotta good men who've known nothing but shitty women. I believe I can kick an ass as quickly as I can patch up a cut...but I'd much rather kiss a boo boo and make it go away.
I believe i need a cigarette. will continue this in "More song lyrics" part two.
I am, without apology, who I am.
Only 2 days late...
Wow. I'm almost on schedule with this one.
1. What is your favorite genre of fiction? Umm..the kind that's written down? No..probably fantasy. But I basically devour the written word, especially if it takes me away from the "real" world for a little while.
2. Would you rather read hardcovers, paperbacks, listen to audio books, or read ebooks? Why?
Books! Umm..but....paperbacks, because it's a lot easier to lay in bed with a paperback and fall asleep mid-paragraph than it is with a hardback. (Ever wake up with the corner of a hardback pressed into your cheek...it's not pleasant. And that's not even starting on the logisitics of getting curly and cuddly while supporting a 5lb object.)
3. List three of your favorite books.
Yeah. Right.
Offhand, the 3 series I always go back to, no matter what... DragonRealm (no, not dragon lance), Dragon Lance (specifcally, the meeting sextet...) And the Xanth Trilogy. Oh..and the Drizzt books, cause 3 is a arbitrary number, right? Why? Cause why shouldn't reading be fun! Now, I could list the other 15000 books dad and i own...(maybe a mild exaggeration, but i'm not sure about that)... but I won't.
4. Has a book ever influenced your life in any significant manner?
Every book influences my life. Books by themselves have influenced me.
5. What author has the most emotional impact on you? Add a little random bit of info (if you want) on the author's life that you feel applies or makes them more interesting to you.
Impossible question. I'd like to say it's about the author, but it's not.
Yet another impressive day...
tried to imprison the hydra, so poor taryn could get flaming bracelet since she's been trying since yesterday.
lost..
mystic staff.
monocle of ren.
cloak of silence.
cloak of silence. (yes, that's two of them, not a typo)
infinity bracelet.
tagged ring.
rhea's girth.
and some other random crap.
reminiscent of when i did brutus' corpse retrival and lost
cloak of silence.
paco.
barad-dur.
shadow hand.
belt of spring.
bronze boots.
etc etc. i forget what else now. it's been a while. was 7 or 8 items.
caitlin goes through more good equipment than most people ever see, and i'm trying to keep that in mind, honest i am.
been thinking about recreating her a lot lately. i don't want to give up being a thief, i like being a thief shadowmage...but...ARGH. it's so frustrating.
On Learning New Things...
whateversicksadistichorrib...ne'ermind.
I learned a very important group of lessons tonight.
One was how to get to Almi. (i now know which direction the key is in, atleast..and im not tellin!)
And..the second was...golden-ring does NOT mean it's the RIGHT golden-ring dammit.
Okay...well..it was fun anyway.
Friday Five
1. What are your favorite outdoor activities?
I love going to parks...not the town park...real parks. We have 2 state parks real close to us that blend together, with all kinds of trails through them. I love wandering out into the middle of the park, where it's just trees, streams, and animals. There's something very pure about it - it's real easy to lose yourself and find yourself in a simplier world. Camping too. I like outdoor activities that aren't actually "active"...i like being able to savor the quiet and serenity that comes from being outside.
2. Have you ever played on a sports team, been in a club, or done any other outdoor activities with a structured group?
Ummm...girl scouts. Lotsa girl scouts.
3. What's your favorite summer past time?
Umm. I don't know.
4. Is there any special event you like to attend during the summer, like the local fair, concerts, camping trips, etc?
There's musik fest - lots of really good (and some very "big") bands play there every year, its local, and it's relatively cheap. nickleback played last year. the amusement park - we try to hit that every year. Used to go camping up at our property every year (never built on it because it can't get zoned for water) but ever since i stopped drinking, it's kind of awkward to spend a week or two out in the middle of nowhere with my dad and his group of drun..err..friends.
5. What is the best way to eat ice cream, with who and when? What is your favorite flavor?
I just taught Kass how to bite the bottom off of the ice cream cone and suck the ice cream out through the hole. It'd been YEARS since I did that.
When not indulging in making a mess...I really am digging moose tracks these days. would probably call that my "favorite" right at this moment.
On last nights theme...
i keep files on all my dt's, but apparently a kept a few on mudmails instead of text files...
but here's an idea of how cait rolls..
first dt with this cait..
Big tulip
(first) bronze ear hoop
(first) bronze boots
voice
evil necklace
doomsday
gish
infinity
gloves of despair
red amulet
barad-dur
(old) sable rose
second was when i was doing my own corpse retrival, so meant nothing...
third dt..
scraps from a glinting ring of silver
scraps from a derasmiun ring
scraps from Hoarmurath's ring of power
scraps from a red amulet
scraps from Enkil's kilt
scraps from a coral shield
scraps from the purple cloak
scraps from a large amber loop
scraps from the doomsday blade
scraps from the sleep sap
scraps from A Barad-dur dagger
scraps from a dwarven warhammer
scraps from an eye gem
scraps from a sturdy garden spade [2]
scraps from a beautiful red rose
scraps from the head of Fiery Flurry
fourth dt i don't have a copy of..
and we've all seen the fifth one.
can't ever say cait does ANYTHING half-assed, like mim said.
on the other hand, cait always comes back.
