Todays song
From concrete to shingles,
And every single nail we drove
To hold this house together.
That stain glass door
Those hard wood floors
Cost a little more
But they made this place better
I ain't 19 I ain't naive
That ain't the way I make my bed
I can't believe you're tellin me this all can be repaired.
It's gonna take more than paint and pillows
New curtains on these windows
To cover up all the trash that you drug in.
There ain't a rug big enough to sweep it under
And just in case you wonder
I'd rather strike a match and watch it go up in smoke.
It's gonna take more
Than paint and pillows.
You know these walls don't have to talk
I knew it all
Intuition, I guess.
That long dark hair
On the back of my chair
Must be where she put her shoes on
Before she left.
Everything she touched belonged to me
And I want no tainted anything
The life we built baby
You killed in just one night.
It's gonna take more than paint and pillows
New curtains on these windows
To cover up all the trash that you drug in
There ain't a rug big enough to sweep it under
And just in case you wonder,
I'd rather strike a match and watch it go up in smoke.
It's gonna take more than paint and pillows.
It's gonna take more than paint and pillows
New curtains on these windows
To cover up all the trash that you drug in.
There ain't a rug big enough to sweep it under
And just in case you wonder
I'd rather strike a match and watch it go up in smoke.
It's gonna take more
Than paint and pillows.
.
I still love you, and I don't know why.
And I can't rise above you,
So I don't even try.
.
Quitting.
Decided to quit smoking.
Have 8 cigarettes left.
And then all of my cigarette money went to purchase nicotine lozenges (not that i don't have money that i could spend, but i'm trying to use that as a mental reason not to go buy more smokes anyway.)
Expect bitchiness.
Lots of it.
More Music.
i'm in a mood.
i realize no one reads these, but i do.
What I need is medication
In the form of a vacation.
What I need is
Skies of blue.
What I need is a perspective
One thats healthy but objective.
What I need is
A point of view.
What I want is you.
Everyone says move on.
That is what you would want.
Good advice, they are right,
That's what I need to do.
But what I want, oh what I want, is you.
What I need is bread and water
And a father for our daughter.
What I need is
Someone new.
What I want is you.
Everyone says move on
That is what you would want.
Good advice, they are right,
That's what I need to do.
But what I want, oh what I want, is you.
What I need is loss of memory
To forget when you were with me.
What I need is
To admit we're through.
What I want, what I need, oh what I want...
Is You.
What I want is you.
All I want is you.
Just a memorial.
poor maleena.
they had to go and change gobbos on me!
gah.
scraps from an elf's heart
scraps from a plain adamantite ring
scraps from Red's collar [2]
scraps from the claws of a griffin
scraps from Bracers of Huld
scraps from a kresh's tail
scraps from a mithril bracer
scraps from the Staff of Law
scraps from an Illearth earring
scraps from a sprite wearing spiked armor [6]
scraps from a petrified mushroom flask
scraps from a grey badger pelt
scraps from a black circlet [2]
scraps from the skull of Nosphentor
scraps from a flask of slime mold juice
scraps from a magician's ring
scraps from the head of Sadist
scraps from the head of Squipkitch the Bartender
scraps from a beautiful red rose
scraps from a troll hide belt
scraps from a quill
scraps from Mordorean iron sleeves
scraps from a thin gold ring
scraps from a dirty sheet
scraps from a bluish cloak
scraps from a purply cloak
scraps from fungus root sandals
scraps from a pair of leather sleeves
scraps from a Tormtor House brooch [2]
scraps from beetle eye earrings
scraps from a spider ring
scraps from Mordorean iron leggings
scraps from A bottle of spirits
fuck. lost my flask again. that hurts.
Two more songs.
You know I almost didn't answer
But I just had to see
If you were really still with her
'Cause this won't work until you're free
I won't stand upon a bridge that's burning
I won't dare to cross that line
Don't get me wrong it's not you
It's just somethin' I can't do
I won't stand on a bridge that's burning
Must be another lonley night
No, I won't let you stop by
You can't convince me to give in
Don't even ask me that again
I won't stand upon a bridge that's burning
I won't dare to cross that line
Don't get me wrong it's not you
It's just somethin' I can't do
I won't stand on a bridge that's burning
Believe me this ain't no fun
Wakin' up with just the sun
Knowin' you're still with someone
I won't stand upon a bridge that's burning
I won't dare to cross that line
Don't get me wrong it's not you
It's just somethin' I can't do
I won't stand on a bridge that's burning
Don't get me wrong it's not you
It's just somethin' I can't do
I won't step on a bridge that's burning
You know I almost didn't answer
But I just had to see
A Bridge That's Burning ~ Julie Roberts
Now and then, I confess, you cross my mind.
Now and then I guess I have a little too much time.
I've changed my way of thinking
I've tried hard to seperate
What came too soon from what came too late
I don't think about me in terms of you
I don't think about you in terms of us
I don't think about us, in terms of love
I don't think about then in terms of now
I've found a way to start again somehow
I don't think about what we thought it was
Oh, in terms of love
I'm counting on heaven to understand
I didn't mean to go and mess up all the plans
Sometimes you know where you should go
Before you know the way
I'll bother with tomorrow
Once I've made it through today.
I don't think about me in terms of you
I don't think about you in terms of us
I don't think about us, in terms of love
I don't think about then in terms of now
I've found a way to start again somehow
I don't think about what we thought it was
Oh, in terms of love
I don't think about black in terms of grey
Or revelations in the light of day
I don't think about cold in terms of ice
or second chances happening twice
I don't think about me in terms of you
I don't think about you in terms of us
I don't think about us, in terms of love
I don't think about then in terms of now
I've found a way to start again somehow
I don't think about what we thought it was
Oh, in terms of love
In Terms Of Love ~ Shedaisy
sunday dress hanging on the bedroom door.
empty bottle of wine on the hardwood floor.
last night he said she was the one.
oh but men and mascara, always run.
did i give my love too soon
or wait too long?
did i take it a little too easy,
or put it on too strong?
she was looking for love,
he was looking for fun,
yeah men and mascara, always run.
she ain't getting any younger
it wasn't supposed to be this way
staring in the mirror
with little black rivers running down her face
tomorrow's gonna be a brand new day
she'll wake up in the morning,
and wash it all away..
last night he said she was the one,
oh but men and mascara always run.
yeah men and mascara, always run.
Men and Mascara ~ Julie Roberts
how long did it take to find this letter?
i know it wasn't right when you got home.
was it about the time you started getting hungry
and looked to see what i left on the stove.
did it ever cross your mind to even worry?
or wonder where i am, is everything alright?
know that's why i left it on your pillow
cause that's the only time i cross your mind.
i refuse to be with you and be forgotten.
so this afternoon i thought why not just roll
afterall, i'm already lonely
i might as well be lonely alone.
maybe i've become a different woman
maybe you became a different man
you wonder why i'm doing what i'm doing
well i'm not expecting you to understand
cause you had no idea this was coming
how could you when i've always just been there
but you just go on taking me for granted
and for the first time in my life
i don't care
i refuse to be with you and be forgotten
so this afternoon i thought why not just roll
afterall, i'm already lonely
i might as well be lonely alone
afterall, i'm already lonely
i might as well be lonely alone.
lonely alone ~ julie roberts
You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair
You know to just keep me hanging round.
You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't wanna see my tears,
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown.
And it's alright
Yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road.
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go
Now you can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
You can get it over with and let me move on
Don't concern yourself with this mess you left for me
I can clean it up you see
Just as long as you're gone
And it's alright
Yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road.
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go
Your not making up your mind
Is killin' me and wastin time
I need so much more than that
And it's alright
Yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road.
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go
Leave the pieces when you go
Leave the pieces when you go
Leave the Pieces ~ The Wreckers
You never looked so good
as you did last night,
underneath the city lights,
there walking with your friend,
laughing at the moon.
I swear you looked right through me.
But I’m still living with your goodbye,
and you’re just going on with your life.
How can you just walk on by
without one tear in your eye?
Don’t you have the slightest feelings left for me?
Maybe that’s just your way
of dealing with the pain,
forgetting everything
between our rise and fall
like we never loved at all.
You, I hear you’re doing fine.
Seems like you’re doing well
as far as I can tell.
Time is leaving us behind,
(time – leaving us behind)
another week has passed
and still I haven’t laughed yet.
So tell me, what your secret is
(I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know)
to letting go, letting go like you did,
like you did.
How can you just walk on by
without one tear in your eye?
Don’t you have the slightest feelings left for me?
Maybe that’s just your way
of dealing with the pain,
forgetting everything
between our rise and fall
like we never loved at all.
Did you forget the magic?
Did you forget the passion?
Oh, and did you ever miss me,
and long to kiss me?
Oh baby, baby.
Maybe that’s just your way
of dealing with the pain,
forgetting everything
between our rise and fall
like we never loved at all.
Like We Never Loved At All ~ Faith Hill and Tim McGraw
I just reposted these all, because you know what - its how i feel tonight. it has nothing to do with shit. nothing has gone wrong. nothing has gone bad. i'm disgustingly happy, for the most part. but there are things i want, and i don't know where to go from here. and the one song i meant to repost happened to be with all of the rest of them.
okay.
Upcoming changes to the blog...
A lot has happened in the past 3 months that this blog has nicely stored for me.
It's time to let some of that go.
Sometime late tonight, after work, or early tomorrow, before work, I plan to delete large chunks of this (if not all of it) - and along with that, most of the replies attached to the posts I delete. I want everyone to understand, it's nothing to do with the replies, or with the repliers. And the blog will go on. Replies that are intensely important to me, I'll keep, with the whole "post deleted but replies kept" thing I've done in the past. But I can't have 3 months of that. I'd go insane.
And don't fear, the archives might disappear, but the blog will go on! The blog will always go on! Muhahahaha!
(And I'm doing all this work to save y'all from having to change your links to a blog name, so you should really appreciate it!)
Update - deleted a great deal of stuff tonight. This basically only affects the archives, which I doubt many people are reading anyway.
Don't be surprised if you don't see a great deal on this blog in the future. I have my reasons, but I've decided I'd rather not prove that I won, if it means certain things are being read by certain people.
Alright. Bye.
And more...
I missed you so much that I begged you to fly here and see me.
You musta broke down cause you finally said that you would.
But now that you're here I just feel like I'm constantly dreaming.
Cause somethings gotta go wrong,
Cause i'm feeling way too damned good.
For 48 hours I don't think we left my hotel room.
Should show you the sights cause i'm sure that i said that i would.
we gotta make love just one last time in the shower.
somethings gotta go wrong cause i'm feeling way to damned good.
it's like everytime i turn around, i fall in love and find my heart face down
and where it ends is where it should.
this time it's like, the two of us should probably start to fight
cause somethings gotta go wrong
cause i'm feeling way too damned good.
sometimes i think best if left in the memory
it's better kept inside than left for good.
looking back each time they tried to tell me.
well somethings gotta go wrong cause i'm feeling way too damned good.
it's like everytime i turn around, i fall in love and find my heart face down
and where it ends is where it should.
this time it's like, the two of us should probably start to fight
cause somethings gotta go wrong
cause i'm feeling way too damned good.
oh, oh, feeling way too damned good.
i missed you so much i begged you to fly in to see me.
you musta broke down cause you finally said that you would.
but now that you're here i just feel like i'm constantly dreaming.
cause somethings gotta go wrong, cause i'm feeling way too damned good.
it's like everytime i turn around, i fall in love and find my heart face down
and where it ends is where it should.
this time it's like, the two of us should probably start to fight
cause somethings gotta go wrong
cause i'm feeling way too damned good.
oh, oh, feeling way too damned good..
missed you so much that i begged you to fly here to see me.
feeling way too damned good.
You know, I haven't really been able to say anything, to anyone (except Marie) about how happy I am right now. And I am happy. I am disgustingly, rediculously, insanely happy. Things are good, and it's been a long time since things were good. So I just wanted to share that much.
I'm really glad y'all are supporting me, even though you can't agree with what I'm doing. Thanks guys.
More Lyrics...
songs, signifying nothing, signify everything. one word, one line, one verse. sometimes the entire meaning of the song is wrong, but the one part of it, taken out of context, is right.
now, which part of this song that would be, is none of your business! hahahaha!
Love is tragic
love is bold
you will always do what you are told
love is hard
love is strong
you will never say that you were wrong
i don't know when i got bitter
love is surely better when it's gone.
you wanted more
more than i could give.
more than i could handle
and a life that i can't live.
you wanted more,
more than i could bear.
more than i could offer.
for a love that isn't there.
love is color
love is loud
love is never saying you're too proud.
love is trusting
love is honest
love is not a hand to hold you down.
i don't know when i got bitter
love is surely better when it's gone.
you wanted more
more than i could give
more than i could handle
and a life that i can't live.
you wanted more
more than i could bear
more than i could offer
and love that isn't there.
i gotta pick me up when i am down.
i gotta get my feet back on the ground.
i gotta pick me up when i am down.
I don't know when I got bitter.
Love is surely better when it's gone.
Cause you wanted more,
more than I could give.
Give than I could handle,
and a life that I can't live.
You wanted more,
More than I could bear.
More than I could offer
For the love that isn't there.
You wanted more.
More than I could bare.
More than I could offer
(can't quite get this line, something about shove)
You wanted more
More than I could give
More than I handle
And a life that I can't live
Love
He was working through college on my grandpa's farm
I was thirsting for for knowledge and he had a car
I was caught somewhere between a woman and a child
When one restless summer we found love growing wild
On the banks of the river on a well beaten path
Funny how those memories they last
Like strawberry wine and seventeen
The hot July moon saw everything
My first taste of love oh bittersweet
Green on the vine
Like strawberry wine
I still remember when thirty was old
My biggest fear was September when he had to go
A few cards and letters and one long distance call
We drifted away like the leaves in the fall
But year after year I come back to this place
Just to remember the taste
Of strawberry wine and seventeen
The hot July moon saw everything
My first taste of love oh bittersweet
Green on the vine
Like strawberry wine
The fields have grown over now
Years since they've seen a plow
There's nothing time hasn't touched
Is it really him or the loss of my innocence
I've been missing so much
Like strawberry wine and seventeen
The hot July moon saw everything
My first taste of love oh bittersweet
Green on the vine
Like strawberry wine
Monday...Fives?
Okay, so, we totally skipped friday, and I'm gonna take my shot at doing this, because I haven't yet. Unfortunately, my brain is a little fried from overworking (and I'm working this weekend..bleh) so dunno how witty I can get.
In honor of the cold weather...
1) Your favorite thing to do while it's snowing.
Ideally, curl up in front of a fire with a glass of something warm and someone warmer. Realistically, watch my daughter play in it.
2) Your least favorite thing to do while it's snowing.
After a year in wisconsin with a gravel driveway...shovel.
3) Your favorite of the winter (Christmas) television specials?
I'm gonna hafta lame out and say the Grinch. Although I was partial to Frosty also.
4) Blankets or heater?
Blankets. Cold air, warm snuggly blankets.
5) Marshmallows or whipped cream in the hot chocolate?
Whipped cream. Lots of it. Hot chocolate is optional at that point.
Okay, semi lame questions, but what can I say. It's *cold* all of a sudden, and I don't like it!
Friday Fives
(And it's only Sunday..look how much quicker I'm getting!)
Today's Friday Fives are Pet Peeves:1. Name your biggest pet peeve about television commercials.That they exist? Okay, that not being a reasonable answer... (changed my mind) I really hate perscription drug commercials. Not the "just wanted to let you know this condition exists and there is treatment" ones - although I'm not sure any of those *exist* anymore - but the "One free months supply of *******!" or "94.32457657% statisfaction garaunteed, or next months' free!" or you get the point. Bad enough my antibiotics cost 40$'s for a week long course... but now the drug companies actually have to fight over air space - and people wonder why life substaining medication costs so much? (Not to mention, I just don't think it's *my* job to tell my doctor WHICH medication to give me - it's MY job to be informed and researched on anything that's wrong with me before I walk in that office, but not to say "well, i'd really prefer x to y cause x gave me a coupon for 20 dollars off!"
2. Name the thing that bothers you most about grocery stores.
Having worked at one for so very long, the thing that actually bothers me the most is the customer (who is invariably always infront of me) who yells at the cashier when a) the credit card is denied b) the item rings up at a price that is not the imagined "sale price" or c) any other small irritant that has not ever been the cashiers fault, and never will be. I'm sorry - if you don't have money in your account, you just don't! It's embarassing - I've been there - but it ISN'T the fault of said cashier, who did not forget purchasing that 25 $$ latte at Starbucks a few hours ago.
3. Name the most annoying thing about newly purchased items.
The total on the receipt.
4. Name the common noise that grates on you the most.
There's this sound people make when they're trying to prove they're listening to you, if they are or not. It's kinda a "umm-hummm" mixed with a "uh-huh"... I can't explain it. But especially when guys do it - no matter how deep their voice is, suddenly it sounds like there's a vise around..you know what..and it just got 3 inches tighter. I can't stand it!
5. The thing in your house or apartment you most hate to clean.Such an unfair question. I hate cleaning up after everyone else that lives in this apartment, then going home, cleaning up after my dad and his girlfriend, his dog, my sister's cat, and myself.
But, if I had to limit it to one chore I really hate - cleaning anything glass. Because I'm an absolute perfectionist - there can not be a smudge, a smear, or a spot left on the glass - be it windows, or mirrors, or tv screens, or pyrex bowls. I just hate them!
